When do we say to ourselves, I just can’t do this? Many of us keep trying, pushing ourselves to the limit and refusing to give in. Our motivations probably are similar if not the same. We do not want to lose to a disease we cannot see or cede control when the enemy is profound physical limitations.
I long have believed there is virtue in fighting the good fight. This is not performance art, however. The real audience is wearing our shoes. We struggle to preserve a life and flourish with dignity. Feeling good about ourselves is its own reward. And so we keep going.
But is there a point where the struggle must cease? I increasingly am aware that pushing myself at the wrong time in the wrong place only can lead to a Pyrrhic victory. I left the neurologist’s office the other day after a strenuous PT session. I was done in and knew it. Instead of calling a local car service to get me to an appointment, I chose to walk down the hill, always risky, to a busy avenue where I could hail a taxi.
An hour later, I had not traveled the short distance. My legs were shaking and close to giving out. There was no place to sit and not a taxi in sight. I knew I was about to fall. I just stood there, my body slumped across the filthy hood of a parked car. A female voice behind me said, we’ve been watching you for a long time. Do you need a ride somewhere? I glanced to the side and saw a parked van with a pleasant looking fellow behind the wheel. They rescued me.
My stupid decision to set out on foot had been counter-productive and dangerous. I was putting myself at risk. And what did I accomplish? Nothing. I have to learn or keep learning to choose my battles carefully. Fighting wars we cannot win seems to be a staple of the ruling class in this country. You and I can do better. We have the power to bring common sense into our personal lives, and we should do just that.