The wait seems endless. The stem cell therapy is almost within reach. The bone marrow aspiration took place in late August. Three months, I was told. It would take three months for the marrow to be sliced and diced, done, undone and redone, reamed, steamed and dry-cleaned. Do you get the idea I do not understand the process?
I am going in today for PT and to give them forty-two more vials of blood. I expect the lab technician to wear a black cape and flash his long, sharp teeth. This is maybe my fourth bloodletting. The process is mysterious. I do have faith in the men and women hard at work in the lab. I wish I had as much faith in outcomes as in people.
The infusions of millions of neural stem cells will be repeated a number of times, and it will take at least five months to see any evidence of change. My neurologist is such an optimist about this bold experiment. It has been a long time coming. I am agnostic on the whole thing. I do not know what to think. The possibilities are so huge, my certainty about where to go from there so small.
Journalists must make lousy patients. We elevate skepticism to an art form. That is why I chuckle at the prospect that I will succumb to the placebo effect. I will not be overcome by hope, which I cannot even locate most of the time.
I get wonderful, supportive comments from MSniks on this blog. They express hope for me and for themselves. I want to hold them close to see if it is contagious. I do want to believe. Hope is a place I have seen from afar. I would like to visit there someday.
The first stem cell infusion is set for late February. Then a new waiting game begins.